Thanksgiving Self-Murder Quotes


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“I can’t eat and I can’t sleep. I’m not doing well in terms of being a functional human, you know?”
― Ned VizziniIt’s Kind of a Funny Story

“Killing oneself is, anyway, a misnomer. We don’t kill ourselves. We are simply defeated by the long, hard struggle to stay alive. When somebody dies after a long illness, people are apt to say, with a note of approval, “He fought so hard.” And they are inclined to think, about a suicide, that no fight was involved, that somebody simply gave up. This is quite wrong.”
― Sally BramptonShoot the Damn Dog: A Memoir of Depression

 “Mind led body
to the edge of the precipice.
They stared in desire
at the naked abyss.
If you love me, said mind,
take that step into silence.
If you love me, said body,
turn and exist.”
― Anne Stevenson

“Since you seldom spoke, you were rarely wrong. You seldom spoke because you seldom went out. If you did go out, you listened and watched. Now, since you no longer speak, you will always be right. In truth, you do still speak: through those, like me, who bring you back to life, and interrogate you. We hear your responses and admire their wisdom. If the facts turned out to contradict your counsel, we blame ourselves for having misinterpreted you. Yours are the truths, ours are the errors.”
― Édouard LevéSuicide

“No,” I say. “I didn’t know that,” and as I say it I feel flooded with bitterness at all the things Ingrid kept secret from me.”
― Nina LaCourHold Still

 “Prate not to me of suicide, Faint heart in battle, not for pride I say Endure, but that such end denied Makes welcomer yet the death that’s to be died.”
― Stevie SmithSelected Poems

 “There once was a woman named Story Easton who couldn’t decide if she should kill herself, or eat a double cheeseburger.”
― Elizabeth LeiknesThe Understory


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Can You Recover From Suicidality?

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Scream, cry...

Recovery [ri-kuhv-uh-ree] (Noun) An Active change in one’s Attitude, Thinking and Behavior.

So, yes, you can recover from suicidality. Or no, you can’t. Depending on how you want to play it. Recovery takes work and you have to be willing to do it. The work is hard – excruciating at times – but you must do it if you want to succeed. So, I can’t guarantee that you will recover. That is up to you. But I was suicidal most of my life and have now been free of suicidal thoughts for about two years. Not too shabby for a person who was miserable for most of her 40 years. I can tell you what I did and what the professionals I sought told me to do and maybe it will help you kick start your own incredible recovery. However you decide you want to work a recovery plan, the problem will inevitably be being able to change your attitude, thinking, and behavior and to summon the energy and courage to face your fears and work this damn thing out.

12-Step Programs

Do you have an addiction of any kind? If no, it’s okay for you to read this as well – you could find out something you didn’t know that can help you. If yes, have you found or been going to regular meetings? A lot of people don’t go to their meetings for myriad reasons, one being that they’d just rather die than go. Can you relate? It could be a clash of personalities that’s stopping them or maybe they find the readings to be laborious. Finding a reason not to go to a meeting is way easier than actually going. But here’s the deal: meetings offer a way to get in touch with others, communicate feelings, and learn to live spiritually. Often, you have to go to several in a row, or mix up the plan with different kinds of meetings. You can’t go one time and make a decision about whether you want to go again based on that. If you think about how much pain you’re in right now and then think that all you have to do is sit in a chair for one hour and you might feel better, the prospect becomes a bit more enticing.

Self-Help Groups

Are you suffering from PTSD? Are you like me and struggle with bipolar disorder? Is there anything in the past that has disturbed you? There is a self-help group out there for you. Even if you live in a tiny little town that has few groups, you can start one yourself. Like a suicidality group! Similar to the 12-Step programs, self-help groups thrive on service (and so do the suicidal). It’s called getting out of your self, and it works. But I digress. Finding a good self-help and support group could unlock your door to recovery. There are friends to be made and people to be annoyed by (I gotta be real), but the experience can be a very healing one. Also like the 12-Step groups, it is easy to find excuses not to go. I’ve made up many excuses why I shouldn’t go to my groups, but I try to have a willing attitude in my recovery overall. I also try to change my behavioral patterns that would lead me to sit in my house rather than try to help myself.


Have you seen a psychiatrist? If not, (ahem, excuse me) WHY THE HELL NOT? If you have, then ignore what I just said. Here’s news to those who don’t know: suicidality is a mental disorder – one that can be treated with medication, mostly. It can take what seems like forever for medications to start working and that’s why people give up before it takes effect, or before they and their doctors can find the right one. I worked with doctors for many, many years before we came up with a solution that was right for me. A snippet about me is that when the medications finally started taking the right effect, I slipped into another depression because I realized that I was 38 years old with only a college degree to show for the past 20 years. I had struggled throughout my life to the extent that I could not keep a job, had no family besides my husband and father (everyone else had cut me out of their lives due to my psychosis, suicidality, and drinking), and few close friends. I realized that I would have to start building my life almost from scratch. But I changed my attitude, thinking, and behavior and before long I knew that rebuilding my life would be a challenging, but beautiful, experience.

Getting to that point is hard. Doctors don’t know everything – they make mistakes and the process can take longer than expected. However, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain if you see your doctor regularly. Maybe you want recovery without any drugs at all. This is gallant of you, but that thought is crap. If you are considering killing yourself, you are a person who needs to be under a doctor’s care. If you don’t like your doctor, get another one.

Professional Counseling

As with hiring any professional (doctors included), finding a counselor can be a hit or miss situation. It takes time to develop a relationship with a person, and a counselor is no different. It’s easy to quit when you don’t see results right away, or maybe you will suspect that you picked the wrong professional. In any case, in order for it to work on your attitude, thinking, and behavior, you must have the right attitude, thinking, and behavior going in to therapy. If this sounds hard, you’d better believe your sweet bippy that it is. However, counseling can be very rewarding if you are willing to put the effort into it. You must be honest with your counselor, and I don’t mean halfway honest. When you dig inside for those raw feelings and it’s uncomfortable and you want to stop but you have to keep going, you know you are making great progress. If you don’t already have a counselor in mind, I suggest going to your local mental health department and asking if they can refer someone, or ask a friend or your doctor. Other than that, just open those yellow pages and dive in!

A Good Friend

When you pick a friend to talk to about your suicidal ideations, don’t get the one who will speak to you with religious overtones or “guilt” you into staying alive. Mostly what you need to hear when you are really suffering is “I understand” and “It’s okay” and “I love you”. Those are the three things I would like you to imagine me saying to you right now, in fact. Your friends love you, but they might not know how to say it well. Pick wisely. Or visit a pastor or reverend or whatever. But pick these wisely too. There are some real jack wagons out there.

The Hospital

Really getting suicidal? GO TO THE HOSPITAL. The hospital will keep you safe and doctors will see you around the clock. It will at least give you a respite from having to make the decision if you are going to die by your own hand right now or not.

A Higher Power

God, Buddha, I used to call mine Billie Joe Armstrong after the Green Day lead singer. Who cares what your higher power looks like – it’s a freaking higher power. I know some people who would pooh-pooh this section of the blog. If you have that urge to too, I now urge you to take another look at forging a relationship with a higher power. If you have no idea how to do this, take a look at some Emmet Fox books or something a little more Buddha- mystical like Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach. I don’t have to tell you all the books there are on spirituality because you can find anything you want out there. I just suggest that you work on your spirituality while you are in recovery. It makes all the difference.

And keep your eyes on the prize.


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Quotes About Suicide


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“Did you really want to die?”
“No one commits suicide because they want to die.”
“Then why do they do it?”
“Because they want to stop the pain.”
― Tiffanie DeBartoloHow to Kill a Rock Star

 Razors pain you,
Rivers are damp,
Acids stain you,
And drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren’t lawful,
Nooses give,
Gas smells awful.
You might as well live.”
― Dorothy ParkerEnough Rope

“The so-called ‘psychotically depressed’ person who tries to kill herself doesn’t do so out of quote ‘hopelessness’ or any abstract conviction that life’s assets and debits do not square. And surely not because death seems suddenly appealing. The person in whom Its invisible agony reaches a certain unendurable level will kill herself the same way a trapped person will eventually jump from the window of a burning high-rise. Make no mistake about people who leap from burning windows. Their terror of falling from a great height is still just as great as it would be for you or me standing speculatively at the same window just checking out the view; i.e. the fear of falling remains a constant. The variable here is the other terror, the fire’s flames: when the flames get close enough, falling to death becomes the slightly less terrible of two terrors. It’s not desiring the fall; it’s terror of the flames. And yet nobody down on the sidewalk, looking up and yelling ‘Don’t!’ and ‘Hang on!’, can understand the jump. Not really. You’d have to have personally been trapped and felt flames to really understand a terror way beyond falling.” – David Foster Wallace

“Killing oneself is, anyway, a misnomer. We don’t kill ourselves. We are simply defeated by the long, hard struggle to stay alive. When somebody dies after a long illness, people are apt to say, with a note of approval, “He fought so hard.” And they are inclined to think, about a suicide, that no fight was involved, that somebody simply gave up. This is quite wrong.”
Sally Brampton, Shoot the Damn Dog: A Memoir of Depression

“People pontificate, “Suicide is selfishness.” Career churchmen like Pater go a step further and call in a cowardly assault on the living. Oafs argue this specious line for varying reason: to evade fingers of blame, to impress one’s audience with one’s mental fiber, to vent anger, or just because one lacks the necessary suffering to sympathize. Cowardice is nothing to do with it – suicide takes considerable courage. Japanese have the right idea. No, what’s selfish is to demand another to endure an intolerable existence, just to spare families, friends, and enemies a bit of soul-searching.” – David Mitchell, Cloud Atlas

“Suicide is a particularly awful way to die: the mental suffering leading up to it is usually prolonged, intense, and unpalliated. There is no morphine equivalent to ease the acute pain, and death not uncommonly is violent and grisly. The suffering of the suicidal is private and inexpressible, leaving family members, friends, and colleagues to deal with an almost unfathomable kind of loss, as well as guilt. Suicide carries in its aftermath a level of confusion and devastation that is, for the most part, beyond description.” – Kay Redfield Jamison, Night Falls Fast

“There is… in this [melancholic] humour, the very seeds of fire… In the day-time they are affrighted still by some terrible object, and torn in pieces with suspicion, fear, sorrow, discontents, cares, shame, anguish, etc., as so many wild horses, that they cannot be quiet an hour, a minute of time, but even against their wills they are intent, and still thinking of it, they cannot forget it, it grinds their souls day and night, they are perpetually tormented… In the midst of these squalid, ugly, and such irksome days, they seek at last, finding no comfort, no remedy in this wretched life, to be eased of all by death…to be their own butchers, and execute themselves.” – Robert Burton, The Anatomy of Melancholy (Excerpt from Night Falls Fast by Kay Redfield Jamison

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Where Do We Go When We Die?

what if

Semicolon Necklaces for Men and Women

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I have bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder, so when the pain got to be too much, I didn’t care where I went when I died, as long as it was out of this body and mind. I was never filled with high religiosity growing up, so I didn’t have a fear of hell. I just worried about the ripple effect that would devastate my family and friends. I suppose it might or might not  have helped that I believed wherever I go would be beautiful and peaceful – so unlike the current world in which I felt trapped.

I don’t know about you, but when I talked about my suicidal ideations with a deeply religious person, I felt worse than ever. They would say, “Thou shalt not kill. You know, the Sixth Commandment? If you break a Commandment it’s a sin, and sinners go to hell.” I’d say, “I’m not killing anyone besides myself. Does the bible say anything about suicide?” The “friend” would then get flustered and say something like, “Well, God wants you to live”.

I’d think, God wants me to live? Feeling this way? Feeling this way for so long? I’m 40 years-old and I finally started feeling good just a short while ago. When I was suicidal, though, I did not think God wanted me to live. Despite my religious friend’s well-meaning spew, I did come to believe that God cared about me. But first I had to find God – the real one – the one that doesn’t come with religion. Years ago, I read a book that helped me understand what might be going on in that “other side” we all wonder about. This is the link: The Other Side and Back. Another book that helped me through my 30+ year suicidal trip was Life After Life. It is written by a man who interviewed people that had died and come back. It’s pretty unarguable. I have to warn you that these books make death look excellent. In my opinion, it probably is. The point is to have an explanation of what you are up against if you decide to kill yourself. I don’t know why finding out death is a good place helped me to not to kill my own self.

I’ve posted this next book in one of my entries before, but it’s so good, it deserves another one. I was very skeptical of this one, but my Alcoholics Anonymous sponsor urged me to read it and I trust her completely. Once I got past the old-fashionedness of the wording, I started understanding the basis of Christianity (not at all what Christianity looks like today) and all religions for that matter. Here is a link to that book: Sermon on the Mount. I know it’s all Jesus-like, but don’t let that stop you if you are not a Christian. This is an informational treatise on how to live. Maybe if it was about Buddha, it wouldn’t have been so hard for me to initially pick it up. However, if it had, I would have gleaned the exact same information.

So, where do we go when we die? That information is pretty much totally up to you. You can read about it, meditate on it, whatever. No one knows for sure what we have in store, so use your imagination. After doing my research (books and experience), I’ve decided that if you are alive, you have work to do that you don’t even know about. “God” does want you to live, but you have to be patient and you have to ask for guidance from whatever higher power you have. Please look at me: I was suicidal for 30 years and now I am not. It can happen to you too. Maybe don’t worry so much about what it’s like after death. Maybe just pause and drink some tea or talk to your best friend. There are still things about this life you love. Or you wouldn’t still be here.

If you are in crisis, click here.

Suicide Prevention Jewelry

I Want to Murder Myself

still here

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I was having lunch with a counselor friend of mine who is quite old school the other day. She speaks her mind, and we were discussing suicide because of the suicide prevention necklaces I make. She said, “I don’t know why anyone would want to murder themselves”. I was taken aback, because I had never heard it put that way. I thought about it: is it really murder when it’s against you? Does it really matter what you call it as long as someone precious is dead?

I replied, “The reason someone would want to self-murder is because I’m 40 years-old and it took me up to last year to start feeling okay. For 25 years I had to include a team of medical experts in my recovery as well as self-help groups and a lot of counseling. For 25 years I felt that nothing was changing – I wasn’t feeling any better. When I was a little girl, I was happy, but I hadn’t felt that way in close to 35 years. I felt completely hopeless. Finally, my psychiatrist landed on a solution which was right for me. I still don’t feel happy very often, but I finally get to know peace. In those years that I was uncomfortable and crawling in my skin, I just wanted it to end. I just wanted to feel good for once. That alone was a good reason to ‘murder’.” 

To my surprise, this salty old lady nodded her head and didn’t argue further. I don’t know if it was justified, but I did an internal victory dance. When you can convince someone that self-murder can at least feel justified, it feels good. It’s a validation of sorts. Committing the act and thinking about or even wanting to kill your self are two very different things. I think the more we talk about the wanting and the thinking about, the better able we are to climb from the black pit of depression that holds us so tightly.

I know you are struggling. I know this is the hardest thing you’ve had to go through. I just have to ask that you hold on a little longer and consult as many experts as you can. If you are in crisis, call the number in the link at the beginning of this page. If you feel that you could talk to a friend, please call someone. But don’t call someone who will judge you or give you religious garbage. Find someone who will just listen and love you for who you are. For after all, you are very loveable.

Semicolon Necklaces for Men and Women



fuckin' mind

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I have found that there is always a reason for suicidal thoughts. Clinical depression, as we all know, is a huge culprit. Depression has often been described as “anger turned inward” and I think there is validation for that. The reason I say this is because it reminds me of a time when I was writing in my journal at the behest of my Alcoholics Anonymous sponsor. I was so angry and uncomfortable in my body at that time (this was about two years ago). I had been angry and uncomfortable for so long it was getting ridiculous. Let me see if I can find the actual journal so I can make you laugh and cry with the things I was saying…

Excerpts from Erin’s Journal 2013:

“This has gotten very hard for me to do because it evokes all of the worst feelings I have.”

“God, it’s just that it’s been so long with so many times I thought it was over, and it never was. Are you giving me polio of the mind – crippling me for the rest of my life?”

“Well, you’re God, so you know how much of a mess I’m in right now. You know it’s not comfortable in my skin…”

“Fuck those bitches. I resent cancer survivors. They get all the love that they need. And parades.”

“I always start thinking about killing myself when I write.”

(Me, Mimicking the General Population): “Oh, I can’t believe Obama is making us choose from affordable health options”. (Me): “Those people have no idea what it is like to need healthcare and not be able to get it”.

“I hate you, God. I hate you so much. How can you let me feel this way? How can you let it be okay for me to suffer?”

The anger I felt at God and cancer victims may have been justified. God works in “mysterious ways” and cancer patients get love and care from their families. Those of us who suffer from suicidal ideations are often considered burdens to our families. Perhaps the worst thing is not knowing if the black, icky, depression will ever end.

One day I was writing this angry stuff in the morning and just feeling like shit. Later, I was sitting in the busy veterinarian’s office, trying to take care of my beloved pets, when I burst into tears. I literally could not stop thinking about suicide. I was ready to leave this earth, but I couldn’t imagine leaving my husband, my father, my dogs, and my good friends. I realized that I would have to think about something else, no matter how hard it was for me. This only came off halfway, but it helped.

To do also:

  1. See your doctor and be very, very honest about what is going on with you.
  2. Talk to a friend or family member – they will be able to help if you are honest.
  3. Take it easy. Take a nap or a break from work.
  4. Tell yourself you love you. It may not seem like it now, but you do.
  5. Call the suicide hotline listed at the beginning of this blog.

A very close friend gave me some spiritual literature around that time. I know, hold up, most people who experience suicidal ideations are really not that interested in reading, thinking, or otherwise having anything to do with God. That’s okay. God can be anything. But mostly, a spiritual workout every day will quell the disturbing thoughts. Here are some books that have helped me.

How I Stayed Alive When My Brain Was Trying to Kill Me: One Person’s Guide to Suicide Prevention – Susan Rose Blauner

Find and Use Your Inner Power – Emmet Fox

Sermon on the Mount – Emmet Fox

A Return to love by Marianne Williamson

Feeling Good by Dr. David Burns, M. D.

There are so many books that can help, but I understand that reading may not be your thing. No matter. There are lots of ways to alleviate the feelings of suicide. I highly recommend joining a therapy group, getting a counselor, or opening up to a stranger.

Thoughts of suicide during depression are scary and hard to tease out. It may seem like no one understands, but I do. And I’ll keep writing this blog for you until I can’t do it anymore, because I am passionate about the cause of suicide. Visit my Etsy page sometime so you can see if wearing a handmade pendant for the cause would be a comfort for you. It’s less painful than a semicolon tattoo!

Your thoughts may be on suicide, but mine are on you.

Semicolon Men’s and Women’s Necklaces



Derek’s Story

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The first time someone made me feel totally loved – no strings attached, no parenting obligations, just completely cherished – was after all the rigmarole I went through to finally “land” Derick as my boyfriend. It was 1991 and I was sixteen years old. Derek was an older man of nineteen. You might say that was scandalous unless you knew Derek.

He was sweet – so sweet. And gentle. Kind of a buck of a man: strong, yet skittish. He seemed afraid of most people and the ideas in his head unless he was on his skateboard. There, he was fearless. He would take down that vertical ramp like it was nobody’s business and then he would have a beer with the other young men who were also defying their deaths. I thought he was beautiful. Tall, longish dark hair, and a muscular build kept me staring from the picnic table adjacent to the ramp. I had sat and made myself a skater betty on that bench months earlier. Derek would eventually teach me how to skate better. He was the most patient teacher imaginable, but he could never get me to ride down that vertical. But skating wasn’t what I had on my mind in those days. He was.

Derek was my first real boyfriend. My father loved him, I think, like a son. I loved him with the madness and abandon of first love. My relatives loved him. If the truth is to be told: everybody loved Derek. I knew him for a year and never heard him mention an adversary. However, what made the most impact on my sixteen year-old mind was the way he loved me.

We spent as much time together as possible, wandering the OSU campus, looking for warm and sheltered spots to cuddle and smoke our cigarettes. I was still in high school, so I would hurry over to his economy apartment as soon as my day was done so we could watch re-runs of M*A*S*H and Cheers while reclining on his bed. Sometimes we lapsed into a round of awkward lovemaking, but that wasn’t much of the focus of our relationship. As it turned out, what illustrated the Erin/Derek combination better than anything was our absolute devotion to one another (or in our case, codependence).

Most of the time, we indulged in marijuana, but not alcohol, because we were both still too young. Sometimes we would have a friend buy us liquor, but Derek didn’t enjoy it like I did, so there weren’t very many times of drinking. One time, his much older brother brought us some cocaine. I guess Derek had done it with him before and didn’t like it much. I tried it, so he did some with me. We ended up staring at one another all night and it wasn’t that fun. There were definitely drugs involved in my relationship with Derek, but I’d bet everything I have on the fact that drugs and alcohol are not the reason for this story.

Some doctors say that you don’t develop bipolar disorder until your late teens and twenties. Looking back, I would say I came down with it around twelve years-old – right after my mother left. It was hard to pinpoint the mania, because mostly you just feel good, but the depression was brutal. I was feeling this when I started to notice changes in Derek’s behavior. He wasn’t up for going for walks with me or playing around while I learned to skate. He never wanted my best friend to come around. He just said he wasn’t in the mood to see people. I would come over after school and he’d be in bed. I knew what I was looking at. After all, I was depressed too.

I decided to take action. I consulted some teachers and counselors at my school that may have some ideas about relieving depression. I emptied “I’m O.K., You’re O.K”, “Feeling Good: the New Mood Therapy”, and “Codependent No More” on top of Derek’s prone body. “Please read these, Sweetie,” I would say. He wouldn’t. I would come over again and get in bed with him, trying to sweet talk him into coming to my house for dinner. He wouldn’t want to. I knew I was losing him to the same thing I was losing myself to. I was scared. I wanted out of the depression that clouded me.

My doctors didn’t know at the time that I was having some manic episodes as well, so my diagnosis was depression only. I was given antidepressants alone, which made me very, very unstable. During the next six months while I nursed Derek’s depression and then my own, I became tired and crazy. I worked at an optical store and one day my dad came in to see me. I probably looked like crap, because he didn’t question anything I had to say. I told him I’d been using a lot of marijuana and that I wanted to go to rehab. He said “O.K.” and I went to treatment for a month.

It was wonderful. It was the first time I had been given permission to whole-heartedly look at what made me who I was. I read books and watched seminars. I was happy because now I would have the tools to help Derek and we could live happily ever after.

But a month later, very little had changed and that was only for the worse. Derek was now nursing a broken collar bone (yes, from the vert ramp) and his morale was terrible. I don’t remember being savvy enough about these things to ask him if he had medical insurance. I’m sure not. His parents weren’t the real protecting types. Either way, I know Derek never sought psychiatric help, which might have changed his story.

I’ll never feel right about this, but I had to start keeping my distance from my loved one. He was beginning to be so negative in his thoughts. He was not the strong buck I once knew. I had tried to help him: talk to him, read to him, laugh with him, but nothing worked – he was slipping fast into clinical depression. I loved him so much, but I had to finish high school and attend to my employment before I could nurse him back to health. The decision to stay away more often was like a dagger in my ribs. It hurt, but I felt I had no choice. And I would be lying if I said I didn’t want to be around his attitude when I was working so hard on mine.

One night I went to coffee with some friends and came home around 9:30 p.m. Derek had been trying to reach me on the phone, so I called him back. He was drunk, which was highly unusual, but even more unusual was how obnoxious he was being. I told him that I didn’t want to talk to him when he was drunk, so I suggested we try again tomorrow. He said, “There may not be a tomorrow”.

There are so many things I could have said at that moment. I don’t know what they would have been. I was so over the struggle of keeping him alive even though I couldn’t make him happy. I could have sang “Happy Birthday” or just made idle chitchat. I could have said anything. Anything but what I did say: “Then that just might have to be”.

I’m ashamed to say that I waited two full days to check on him. I called the police and met my dad at his parent’s house (they were out of town and Derek was staying there). He had shot himself and died, presumably after I hung up the phone that night.

I still love you, Derek. 24 years later I am crying as I write this. I miss you. I’m so sorry.

Sometime later, I was reminded of a middle school class where the teacher told a story similar to this one. I remember thinking, “If that happened to me, I would kill myself too”. I wasn’t far off. I’ve been dealing with suicidal thoughts since Derek’s passing.

But there’s hope. I am not suicidal, at this time I just understand suicidal thinking really, really well. I know of more things than sad stories like this one. You can consider me a friend as we wade through our suicidal thoughts together.


I'm fine

Women’s and Men’s Suicide Prevention Necklaces

What Does the Semicolon Symbol Stand For?

If you are thinking about suicide and have a plan, please call 1 (800) 273-8255

IMG_0857Suicide Awareness Necklaces for Men and Women

I became inspired by Project Semicolon when I got a feed through Face Book showing ladies getting semicolon tattoos. This was to show solidarity among those who have struggled with suicide. They say the reason Project Semicolon chose this symbol is because the semicolon is what an author puts down to represent a pause in the sentence where he/she could have ended it.

I got very teary-eyed when I saw their post. I have had so many moments in my life where I could have ended it. I called my best friend who also struggles with suicidal ideations and asked her if she wanted to get matching tattoos. Then I remembered that I didn’t have money for a tattoo and I’m afraid of getting one that’s all messed up (sorry, I’m a perfectionist). So I decided to start making these semicolon pendants for anyone to wear. You can visit my my Etsy shop through the links at the top and bottom of the page.

I am so grateful to Project Semicolon for creating a new way for people who suffer from suicidal thoughts and attempts to bond and encourage one another. Here is some information about them:




The vision is that together we can achieve lower suicide rates in the US and around the world;
That together we can start a conversation about suicide, mental illness and addiction that can’t be stopped;

We envision love and hope and we declare that hope is alive;

We envision a society that openly addresses the struggle with mental illness, suicide and addiction;

We envision a conversation embraced by churches and addressed with love;

We envision a society that sees their value and embraces it;

We envision a community that comes together and stands together in support of one another;

We envision a world where an escape is not found within drugs or alcohol;

We envision a world where self-destruction is no longer a escape to be used;

We envision a revolution of LOVE and declare that our stories are not over yet;

– Amy Bleuel
Founder & President